koi hain???

Its been ages since I visited my own blog..infact I had forgotten the user name and the password as well.. LOL.. and after making many attempts, I was able to login..it was almost like being liked out of one’s own house..( the house where he seldom stays)..

Anyway, I think major blame should go to FACEBOOK ( really??) well..at least some blame should go to FACEBOOK where you get most of the updates of your friends..and you feel as though you are still in touch, but to be honest, you are not in touch except for liking his/her pics or random comments that you pass. There is no thought process involved, its almost by rote

I have nobody else but myself to blame for that. I was busy and I could hardly keep in touch with my dear friends. I don’t know if we have drifted apart or just got busier, but I seriously miss my friends..but is it really that difficult to connect to the people you shared such wonderful times with?? OR is it only me, being so senti and foolish??

But I want to keep my fingers crossed and hope its not the end of something so wonderful..

Saawali si raat ho…

Saawali si raat ho
Khamoshi ka saath ho
Bin kahe bin sune
Baat ho teri meri

Neend jab ho laapata
Udaasiyan zara hata
Khwabon ki razaai mein
Raat ho teri meri

Jhilmil taaron si
Aankhein teri
Khare khare paani ki
Jheelein bhare

Hardum yun hi tu
Hansti rahe
Har pal hai dil mein
Khamoshi ki loriyaan
Sun toh raat so gayi

Bin kahe bin sune
Baat ho teri meri

Barfi ke tukde sa
Chanda dekhoa adha hai
Dheere dheere chakhna, zara
Hun.. hansne rulane ka
Aadha pauna waada hai

Kankhi se takna,
Ye jo lamhe hain lamhon ki behti nadi mein haan
Bheeg loon
Haan bheeg loon
Ye jo aankhen hain aankhon ki gumsum zubaan ko main
Seekh loon
Haan seekh loon

Ankahee si gooftagu
Ansuni si joostaju
Bin kahe
Bin sune
Apni baat ho gayi

Saawali si raat ho….

Singer- Arjit Singh
lyrics- Swanand Kirkire
Composer- Pritam

Uff..it can’t get more romantic than this..! Totally in love with Ranbir Kapoor and this song..

come one come all…

I was thinking about the good old days when I spent hours jumping from one blog to another, commenting and replying to the comments received. Sometimes it was just for fun, other times it was serious thought process and I got to see so many different perspectives. All in all, it was fun.
And coming back to these days, I hardly find time to finish books that I keep ordering from Flipcart, there is always an invisible to-do list on my mind which keep growing every minute. And to think of it, I am still living with my parents. We are six adults at home plus my little one..but at the end of the day miraculously we all feel totally drained out. I have never handled little boys, I seriously don’t know from where do they get all that energy and ideas to invent new pranks.
A lot has changed, I have changed too. But I really miss those old days, it feels as though we have suddenly grown old and boring. Common guys, wake up.. it was so much fun, remember? And no one out there is going to judge you coz we all have kind of grown up together for those few years. Marriage, responsibilities, priorities, kids.. I know, I know! But let’s rediscover the happiness we derived by sharing our thoughts with like minded people. Even if it sounds selfish, lets exclusively keep a few minutes of the day for ourselves and write..
And as I was typing my last word, my little one who had been out with my younger sis has returned..so now its time for me to run.. but I WILL BE BACK..AND YOU BETTER BE THERE..OK GUYS?

Chitthi Aayi Hain..

Those were the days when STD rates were so high that one had to wait for Non-peak hours to speak to someone who was not in the same town. Those were the days when Internet was never heard of, and PCOS and Coin Boxes were everywhere.
Even though this description makes one think that I am talking about the Pre-Independence era, I am talking about 1980’s which feels like a distant past.
We were based in Mumbai, but all my relatives and cousins were based here, in South India. We were a huge group of cousins and hence had lot to share. So we wrote letters to each other regularly. I was the happiest when I received a fat yellow envelop, page after page filled with sentiments,confessions and general gossip. I was amongst the youngest of my cousins, so mostly I used to read about their college days, flings and crushes. My Ajji and Taata ( Grandparents) sent letters to my mom every now and then, and my mom read and re-read those letters over and over again. Since I could not read-write Kannada, I could never write to my Grandparents. In those blue inland letters a lot was said and even though they tried to fit in every thing, used smallest of the fonts, somethings were always left out hence they had to write on the margin as well. Those were the days, when a trip to post office to buy envelops and stamps and inland letters was a must.
I loved to write, and when I started writing I lost the count of time, words and pages I filled in. Mostly it would be advise to my older cousins about their so called love life or other issues. On birthdays and special occasions it would be greeting cards with a lot of stickers on it. Some of my older cousins sent a fifty rupee note tucked inside the greeting card and we exchanged film-postcards regularly.
Aroma of the fresh inland letter was so compelling that every time my mom got a bunch of it, I wanted to start writing immediately. Those were the days of Code-names. Sometimes, suspicious parents went thru our letters, hence we had to use Code-names while referring to some special people.
My letter writing was not only restricted to my cousins, but every time I came down to Bangalore for summer vacations, I used to write to my Best friend Tina.
Last time, when I went home, I opened my treasure of letters, which is one suitcase full and overflowing. I went thru greeting cards and post cards, and felt a great sense of longing.
Today, when everyone is just a phone call away, we do not feel the same kind of bonding. I can see everyone of Facebook, and regularly receive updates from every one. But its not the same anymore, and I feel lost at times.
I am not against modernization or progress of any kind. This is the era of instant communication and I am grateful to be a part of this new world.
But there is part of me, which still craves for those days, when nothing was Instant, everything took time, but those memories last forever!


I am a complete movie buff. I just can not imagine my life without films. My parents said that I never ever cried or disturbed them in the theater while watching any movie ( I was one year old then!) and my earliest memories of going to watch a movie – ‘Ram aur Shyam’ in Topiwaala Theater, Goregaon. Me and my kid sister went to see this movie along with my uncle ,who was our movies-in-charge till the the time  he got married, and changed his loyalties!
If there is a record for watching crappy movies, I will be sure to win it. My summer vacation was solely devoted to watch movies, 2 per day ( sometimes even three! ) and that was VCR zamaana. Our summer holidays were spent in Bangalore. The video cassette shop was just a hop-skip and jump away, my uncle was generous, so there was no stopping me.
I remember fighting over Shahenshah with my cousins. It was Mr. India vs Shahenshah. I had recently watched Shahenshah and my cousins were bragging about Mr. India. For me Amitabh Bachhan was the ultimate hero, hence no other movie could be better than his movie, and we were all the time fighting about it. The fight went on for several days, and we did not speak to each other for a couple of days!
But of course, I didn’t have any understanding of cinema then, I enjoyed everything I watched, remembered all the songs by heart. Now I feel ashamed to think of my choice (?) of movies and music,
but I was just like a dry sponge which absorbs any liquid.
Then there were radio programs- Venus Sangeet Sarita and Cibaaca Geet Maala and many others. That was pre-cable TV Zamaana, and movies were promoted on Radio big time..A few dialogues, catchy phrases like ‘is saal ki sabse dhamaakedaar film’ , and few songs- I knew it all by heart.
There was this movie- IZZAT and a song in it which was popular with kids that time, ‘ Neela na peela na laal gulaabi, jhoothe ka mooh kaala.. kya yaad karega saala, maine saale ho rang daala!’
We were good kids, and knew that ‘Saala’ is not a nice word, but it was impossible to not to sing a song which was really ‘IN’, so me and my kid sister replaced the word ‘SAALA’ with ‘DASH DASH’ and the song went on like this, ‘Neela na peela na laal gulaabi, jhoote ka mooh kaala..kya yaad karge DASH DASH, maine DASH DASH ko rang daala! ‘
It was QSQT which changed everything for me. First time in my life, I learnt to see the difference between a good movie and a bad one. Learnt to appreciate good music and started paying attention to lyrics. QSQT made me sit down and notice different aspects of cinema. Whenever I saw a movie, I paid attention to the credits and noticed the name of director, music director, screen play writer and choreographer. I also started listening to old hindi film songs, and enjoyed it. Gradually started enjoying Ghazals, and Maraasim remains my favorite till date.
I think I have come a long way from watching rubbish like ‘ Sone pe Suhaaga’ and ‘Rakhwaala’ to watching ‘Udaan’. There was a time when I thought ‘Toofaan’ is a classic movie, and loved to sing’ aaya aaya toofaan, bhaaga bhaaga shaitaan’ ;P
I am sure all of us have gone thru this phase..we love certain things as kids, and when we grow up feel ashamed of our choices..LOL
Do you have any such list? Did you guys ever try to copy a hairstyle or used a punch-line or loved any paunchy melodramatic hero ?
If yes, then I would love to hear it all.. the more the merrier!

Random thoughts of 2010

Lot many things are happening in our lives and 2010 is no different from any other year, but then each day brings something new to us.

I made a list of random things in no particular order-

1.Ricky is finally getting married today on 25th Dec 2010  and I very happy for him 😀 Ricky finally found someone who could make aaloo-parathas for him.. hehe 🙂 Congrats Ricks..lots of best wishes to you and HK 🙂

2. Vegetables are costing more and more every day, and call rates are dropping. Kya hum baaton se hi pet bhar le?

3. Netas are really the most shameless creatures ever seen..Thick skinned shameless creatures who survive on(other peoples’ hard earned) money..yes, that’s the definition for a Politician. As a tax payer, it bothers me a lot..grrrrrrrr

4.Tandu uncle is grinning a lot more these days.. kya baat hain Chandu?

5. Kasab is still alive and kicking..I want to see him being hanged till death before I die..

6.Katrina and Salmaan Khan finally called it off.. to be very frank it doesnt make any difference to me, but it has made headlines so many times that I had to write this..hehe!

7. I completed 5 years of my marriage, my god..I just can’t believe that I have been married for 5 years..I am sure even P feels the same, coz I make the same mistakes which makes him angry even today, and he is as irritating as he was..hehe.. jokes apart, we really have not matured enough and we are going to remain this way rest of our lives!

8. I am in love again, this time its Ranbir Kapoor * blushing*

9. What happened to my blogger friends, suddenly all of them have stopped blogging..common guys, start blogging again..remember all that fun we used to have?

10. I have lots of hopes from 2011.. I hope this year will bring lots of peace, happiness, bangalore metro,some wonderful books, lots of good movies and music and happiness in our lives. Less corruption, correction in food prices, and lots of exciting things happening next year. I hope I will get the hear lots of good news next year..marriages,babies, promotions, lots travel and all happy happy things from everyone..


On this positive thought I  end my post here..see you all next year 😀


I am reading and re-re-reading again!

I finished  reading ‘The Truth About Me—A Hijra Life Story‘ by A.Revathi. I really don’t know if I liked this book or not, but its got imprinted on my mind for sure, since its not a fiction, and this is the first time I have come across this topic, it will stay in my mind forever. I just felt blessed to be born into a a sexual majority,  a woman..those who are born into a sexual minority have a very difficult life as well all know. The book made me feel depressed..there are so many types of pain, sufferings that you do not know how to help all those people. As though leading a simple life itself isn’t a challenge enough, god has created so many problems..floods, accidents, murders, diseases, wars,dowry deaths,racism..and what not.

But as an addition, if one is born as a Hijra, then just imagine how the life would be. You’ll be denied most basic rights. People who are hearing impaired, visually impaired, handicapped do suffer too..they have to struggle a lot to lead a normal life, but they are treated with sympathy  in most of the cases. We do not treat them as animals, whereas if one is born as a Hijra, his life is considered worthless.  A Hijra will be denied of an identity, as though he is transparent, no body can see him.. no body can hear him..so he does not exist. Because we are in majority, we have right to decide who should be allowed to live with dignity and who should be treated worse than animals.

Though we play a major role in their sufferings, they too are responsible to a certain extent. Greed for money and power, territorial war and blind-faith has added more problems to their lives.

A.Revathi is now working as an activist with Sangama, an NGO for sexual minorities. I hope more and more people realize that hating each other under some or the other pretext is not going to take us anywhere. Nothing in life is constant, all we can do is, allow each person to live a life of dignity.

I am currently reading ‘An Endless Winter Night‘- An Anthology Of Mother-Daughter Stories. It’s a collection short stories, and some of the stories are brilliant.

I must mention  JUSTREAD.COM here, they have a home pick up and drop facility and though they charge Rs.50/- per book,  which is slightly more than it should have been, it’s still worth. It’s slightly expensive for the people like me who have got nothing else to do, and finish reading a book within two days..but then I don’t have  any circulating library near my place, and can not / do not want to buy all the books that I read..if there is a book I would like to own, I can buy it later from any bookstore, so I have a choice. They charge a 500 Rs. refundable deposit, which can be paid online.

That’s all for now.. Have you guys read any good book off late? If you have, then please let me know about it.

Once upon a time…

Every kid has it’s own world, and that world is complete in itself.. as we grow up we realize that world was never as we saw it then..

I was a shy kid, I preferred reading to running around  – explains my WELL ROUNDED personality;) I was over sensitive and extremely emotional for my age. It was pre-cable TV Zamaana , so I was always immersed into story books, or used to draw..I too had my own world, which was full of myths..

I making a list of some of those things:-

1. I firmly believed that ‘ Pardon’ is a surname.. everytime my dad used this word while talking on the telephone, I thought, he was talking to some Tamilian guy, like Vijayan, Raghavan etc!

2. I always thought that Non-vegetarians caught animals walking down the street and eat it  just like that!! Just the way we eat Carrot or Cucumber.. I know it  was very stupid of me to think like that, but it seriously never occurred to me till I was about nine, that they might be cooking it! Blame it on the books I used to read at that time.. LOL

3. I seriously believed that Indira Gandhi is Mahatma Gandhi’s daughter..I know most of the kids of my age thought the same then..

4. I don’t know from where this stupid thing came into my mind, but I believed that every person lives for 100 years..so I went around asking every one’s age, and did the calculation for them! Kids can be cruel sometimes…

5. If you’ve dropped a chocolate or something equally tempting on the floor by mistake, you can say ‘Ram’ and have it! Of course, this did not apply to regular and boring food items.. but it was applicable to chocolates and candies and peppermints.. how convenient!

6. Like many other kids of my age, I believed that in a movie film stars change clothes very swiftly for  song sequences, wherein they wear 3-4 different costumes!

7.I had seen this crap Ramsay horror movie.. in that movie the ghost – bhootni -in human disguise could not be seen in a mirror, she was visible otherwise..for several days after watching that movie, I was scared to look into mirror..and ghosts are scared of ‘Om’ or ‘Trishool’ so I used to draw  one of these symbols on my palm, just in case… hahaha!

These were some of the weird-childhood myths of mine..Did you have any?

I’m 32……

On 7th of May, I turned 32.. I still remember the dread that  I felt on my 30th birthday..(God,am I 30? Three- zero thirty?? How is that possible? Me n 30???)

The dreaded number which is pointing out that you are approaching to your worst nightmare, i.e. MIDDLE AGE:(

But this year, surprisingly I did not feel the pinch..I was just fine with it. And now that I am an AUNTY officially ( I have an 8 month old niece ) it seems ok to me. My ex-maid who was about 50 used to call me Aunty !

So I guess its ok to be 32. To live a different life every day. Yes! That’s how I live my life..I am all charged up and positive on some days. I turn philosophical on some and become an angry young woman on the other days.  My husband has spoiled me too much, and now I’m beyond repair! He puts up with my creative jhatkas , and has learnt to be calm when I’m very angry and upset. He has learnt to watch and appreciate good movies and good food. He knows that I almost turn into a ware-wolf if we do not go out on weekends. And there are many more things that make me feel good about my life..it keeps me always guessing!

SUM, it was nice talking to you last nite! You are a sweetheart yaar! I still can not think of you and Chandu as responsible-married and settled people. I still remember two pranksters I met the other nite!

So, all in all… I had fun when I turned 32…

Summer Vacation-6

That child pretended not to hear her mother, and turned her mother, and turned her head away in a different direction. This indifference infuriated her mother, who said, ‘What are you doing, girl, star-gazing?Didn’t you hear me asking you to hold the basket?’

With great reluctance the girl held out her hands to take the basket, but it slipped. The contents spilled out in all directions: first the rice, then the tamarind which had been concealed underneath.

‘Useless girl!’ Nani Amma rebuked her daughter and pulled her by hair. She sat down, hastily gathered the rice and the tamarind into the basket and left the place in a hurry. Her daughter followed, weeping copiously.

I knew that Muthassi had only given the rice to Nani Amma. It became clear to me that she had stolen the tamarind. I was furious with her. I thought stealing was really low, dishonorable. I decided I should not let her get away with it.

I ran after her and called out her name. She turned her head, but on seeing me continued walking faster. Her child hadn’t stopped weeping. Finally I caught up with her and questioned her. ‘Nani Amma, why did you steal tamarind? Is it right to other people’s property?’

‘I didn’t steal,’ Nani Amma denied stoutly. She continued walking. The red sand kicked up by her retreating feet swirled around the courtyard.

‘I am going to tell Muthassi,’ I said. ‘You shouldn’t steal things. Don’t come to this house again. Your are just a petty theif.’

That stopped Nani Amma. She held out the basket to me and said in a huff, ‘Take it. Take back your precious rice and tamarind. I don’t want anything from you.”

I was dumbstruck. I extended my hands to take the basket, like a lifeless wooden puppet. Nani Amma picked up her daughter and made to walk off.Then came her parting shot.

‘We are poor people, child.’ Her voice shook as she said,’And you- you are the rich.’

I left the basket on the ground and ran back. I felt like weeping. I felt – as I had never done before in my life – that I had somehow committed a grave sin. I was too shaken to mention the incident to Muthassi. What happened to that basket? Did anyone pick it up? Did Nani Amma herself come back for it? I wanted to know nothing about it.

It was time for me to go to Calcutta. When we reached Trichur railway station, Sankunni Nayar said pompously, ‘The train is due to arrive in precisely half an hour and two minutes. Velayudha Menon would have boarded the train at Cochin. The first-class coach will come in at the other end of the platform and the third-class will be at this end.’

‘Will you please stop bleating, Sanakunni Nayar,’ Muthassi said, cuttingly.

‘I am quite familiar with all these details. This is not the first time I have come to Trichur railway station.’

Muthassi got out of the car, gave an eight- anna coin to the taxi driver and said,’ It is the child’s gift to you.’ The driver put the coin into his pocket with a smile and saluted me.

Muthassi wore a gold-bordered mundu and veshti and had a gold tulasi mala  around her neck. She looked regal and the people at the railway station made way for her in a respectful manner.

The clerk at the platform ticket counter asked her,’ So the child is going back after her vacation?’

Muthassi did not deign to answer. She had an air of aloofness which she reserved for strangers. She held on to my hand, crossed the revolving door and entered the station platform.

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